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Light Beer Blind Taste Test

light beers

By: Michael, Darin, Ryan and Colin

Estimated read time: 5.5 minutes

Friday night, four brave young men took on an epic task. They knew it would be difficult, but their resolve was strong. They would face perils unlike any of them had ever seen and they would have to work together in order to accomplish their goal. What follows is a transcript of their journey.

 

The Task: Taste test 12 of the shittiest light beers they could find in order to unearth truths not previously known about each beer and about ourselves.

The Men: Colin, Michael, Ryan and Darin

The Beers: Natural Light, Aged Rolling Rock (because it was 1 year old), Hamm’s, Old English, KC Lite, Genessee, Colt 45, Modello, Keystone, Milwaukee’s Best Ice, Busch Non-alcoholic (this was done by accident), and Icehouse

Each beer was tasted, rated, commented on and guessed without knowing what was being drank. The answers weren’t revealed until all 12 beers were tested.

Before we begin, it must be noted that all four participants are fairly avid Keystone drinkers. Coming in I’d say all four have drank far more Keystone both in college and currently than any other light beer.

 

Beer #1
Michael – This is a great breakfast beer. 3.5 stars, Hamms is my guess.

Darin – This tastes like college. 5 stars. It’s gotta be Keystone

Ryan – I could drink this beer morning, noon and night. 4.5 stars. It’s Keystone

Colin – Totally drinkable. Can’t imagine it will be the best. 4 stars. Rolling Rock

The beer was actually: Natural Light

 

 

Beer #2

Michael – Tastes like a normal light beer with a dog shit aftertaste. 2.5 stars. It’s KC Lite

Darin – Definitely needs a touch of OJ. 3 stars. This one is Natty.

Ryan – Tastes like a thicker version of Keystone. 2.5 stars. This is Milwaukee’s Best Ice

Colin – This tastes like if you licked a party table at a frat house. This is awful. 1 star. My guess is Natty

The beer was actually: Aged Rolling Rock

 

 

Beer #3 

Michael – This tastes like freshmen year pre-game. 2.5 stars. My guess is Old English

Darin – This tastes like nothing. Pairs well with Burger King. 2 stars. It’s Icehouse

Ryan – This is like if sparkling grape juice were turned into a beer. 3 stars. It’s Old English

Colin – It’s…not awful? Mike is the Old English connoisseur so it must be that. 2.5 stars

The beer was actually: Hamms

 

 

Beer #4

Michael – This looks, smells and tastes like piss. 1.5 stars. My guess is Genessee.

Darin – Pretty rough the second it touched my lips. 1 star. Colt 45

Ryan – It goes down okay but it definitely has a sock aftertaste. 1.5 stars. Colt 45

Colin – Putrid. Just putrid. 1 star. Gennessee?

The beer was actually: Old English

 

Just so we’re keeping track. NO ONE has gotten one right to this point. We were beginning to learn our lesson.

 

Beer #5

Michael – is this wine? 3.75 stars. Could be Modello

Darin – Great for shot-gunning. Doesn’t really taste like anything. 4 stars. Could this be the Non-alcholic Busch?

Ryan – It’s like beer flavored La Croux. Good tailgating beer, which I guess is the same as a good shot-gunning beer. 4 stars. Non-alcholic Busch.

Colin – This is better than most, but it’s mostly nothing. 3.5 stars. I’m thinking KC Lite.

The beer was actually: KC Lite

 

Finally we have one correct!

 

 

Beer #6 

Michael – Just too much taste. 2.75 stars. Aged Rolling Rock

Darin – Ages well. 3 stars. Aged Rolling Rock

Ryan – It’s like Europe took over my light beer. 3 stars. Aged Rolling Rock

Colin – It just tastes flat. 2.5 stars. Aged Rolling Rock

The beer was actually: Genessee

 

 

Beer #7

Michael – I just burped and that burp tasted better than the beer. Never a good sign. 2 stars. Colt 45

Darin – This is the beer you reach for when KU Football is down 30. A feeling I know all too well. 3 stars. KC Lite

Ryan – Smells repugnant. I would use this to commit suicide. ½ a star. Icehouse

Colin – No comment. Just…no comment. 2.5 stars. Icehouse

The beer was actually: Colt 45

 

 

Beer #8

Michael – This is the most average beer in the world. 2.5 stars. Non-alcholic Busch.

Darin – I’m starting to think everything is a 3 star. 2 stars. Hamms

Ryan – It’s like this beer went flat but someone tried to recarbinate it. 1 star. Gennessee

Colin – I’m convinced this is the Non-alcoholic Busch. If this is Keystone, I will kill myself. 0 Stars

The beer was actually: Modello

 

 

Beer #9

Michael – I would not buy this beer. 2.5 stars. Natty is my guess.

Darin – It’s a siesta in my mouth. 2.5 stars. Modello

Ryan – Nothing to say. It’s slightly above average. 3.5 stars. My guess is Natty

Colin – This tastes like the non-alcoholic beer from before. 1.5 stars. Hamms.

The beer was actually: Keystone

 

 

Beer #10

Michael – Sucks. 1 star. Icehouse

Darin – This is the David of light beers, you guys are underrating it. 4 stars. Milwaukee’s Best Ice.

Ryan – Stale, leftover smell. It hits the taste buds like a ton of bricks – 1 star. KC Lite

Colin – My firs sip was better than all of the following sips. 2.5 stars. Milwaukee’s Best Ice. 

The beer was actually: Milwaukee’s Best Ice

 

 

Beer #11

Michael – It needs…something. 2 stars. Probably the Non-alcholoic Busch.

Darin – This is the last beer of the night that you probably don’t need. 2.5 stars. I agree, Non-alcoholic Busch.

Ryan – Smells like vegetables, tastes like bad cheese. 1.5 stars. Modello.

Colin – This tastes like disappointment. 2 stars. Modello

The beer was actually: Non-alcoholic Busch

 

I would argue that Colin got this correct with his description

 

 

Beer #12

Michael – I don’t care anymore. I want a Keystone. 1.75 stars. No guess

Darin – Give me an IPA please. 1.5 stars. Gennessee

Ryan – Even fairly buzzed, this beer tastes like shit. 1 star. Milwaukee’s Best Ice.

Colin – I’m glad this is over. 2.5 stars. Colt 45

The beer was actually: Icehouse

 

By the end, we learned something I think we all knew to begin with. All light beers taste the same. Darin, Michael and Colin all got 2/12 correct, while Ryan got 0 and paid the price of chugging a non-alcoholic Busch.

 

Below are our combined ratings for each beer:

  1. Natural Light – 17 points
  2. KC Light – 15.25 points
  3. Gennessee – 12.25 points
  4. Keystone – 10 points
  5.  Hamms – 10 points
  6. Aged Rolling Rock – 9 points
  7. Colt 45 – 8.5 points
  8. Milwaukee’s Best Ice – 8.5 points
  9. Non-Alcholoic Busch – 8 points
  10. Icehouse – 6.75 points
  11. Modello – 5.5 points
  12. Old English – 5 points

Special thanks to Elle and Chelsee for serving us the beers, keeping track of the list and not giving us more shit for COMPLETELY sucking at guessing these beers.

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