No intro this week, let’s just Dive right in! (pun intended)
Who the hell were the people that died fighting the White Walkers?
If anyone was paying attention, 7 people left Castle Black to go fight the walkers. For anyone not paying attention, or if you just want a laugh, I encourage you to watch this.
They didn’t bother introducing us to the other tagalongs because, well, they were obviously going to die. This is some bad action movie bullshit and frankly its disappointing.
Three times I found myself watching somebody die in the otherwise amazing fight scene, only to immediately ask my roommate “who the hell was that guy?” After Gendry “the fastest man on Westeros” Baratheon left, there should only have been 6 people. And after Thoros died, there should have only been 5. The writing has gotten unacceptably lazy.
This show grabbed our interest (well, my interest anyway) because nobody was safe. Ned Stark died for no real reason. Same with countless others. I was about to cry if Tormund died without getting another shot at Brienne, but his death would have been very Game-of-Thrones-esque.
But for real, who would be interested in a spinoff sitcom featuring The Hound, Tormund, and Brienne??? I’d watch the shit out of that.
I’m going to ignore your question and jump right to the sitcom.
I’m all in on this being a spinoff show. I’m picturing them all wearing exactly what they do in the show, only the setting is some suburbia, King of Queens type of bullshit. They all live together, the bear, the bear fucker and the hound. Brienne is gigantic and she actually fought a bear once, so she’s the bear. The Bear Fucker is obviously Tormund because they’re meant to be together AND in the books Tormund boasts of once fucking a bear (remember that in the books he hasn’t met Brienne) and the hound needs no explanation.
I picture Tormund coming home saying his boss at the accounting firm is unexpectedly coming to dinner and they almost burn the kitchen down trying to brew some nice bone broth stew. Only to find out that Tormund’s boss is allergic to bones. CLASSIC!
It’s clear that the Night King is going to fly over the wall with his new pet ice dragon, but how is he going to get his army of the dead to the land of the living?
My first answer isn’t terribly strong. I’m not really sure. I still subscribe to the idea that the wall is coming down because if I subscribed to that theory BEFORE he had a dragon, I don’t see any reason to abandon it now.
So how is it coming down?
Maybe the Night King just passing the over the wall breaks the magic and the entire thing comes down.
Maybe Bran fucked it all up when he got touched by the Night King last season and then further messed up when he went through the wall. Maybe the Night King can go wherever Bran goes.
Maybe Bra…wait. I think I reached the show’s allowed limit of Bran mentions for the article. Like the show, we better ignore him the rest of the way, despite him possibly being the answer to everything.
How does the army of the dead get through the wall? Simple, he melts a path through the wall. Straight through castle Black just so the show can say “look we still kill people you like.”
So how do you take down an ice dragon?
I only see a few possibilities here. First and possibly the most exciting to watch, would be dragon vs. dragon combat. I mean…if fire kills white walkers, maybe dragon fire can harm an ice dragon?
That seems too easy though…another possibility would be Bran. It’s not even really clear what Bran can and can’t do right now but he’s the only thing in this story more magical than the Night King so I don’t even have a solid theory on what he’d do to take down a dragon other than to say that the solution could come from him.
Another kind of obvious way is something we were just shown in the last episode. If the Night King dies, everything dead that he raised dies with him. Kill the Night King and the entire thing is over.
But I kinda think the dragon will fall before the Night King and the show has been pretty insistent on a storyline.
I believe Andy might have our answer….
Game of Thrones has been, for years, a story of subtlety and nuance. And the writers just said “fuck it” this season. They have been waving the answer in front of our faces for weeks. They’ve been flaunting that stupid scorpion as the dragon solution, despite that it barely even hurt Drogon. But with a spear made of dragonglass fired from a scorpion? Money in the freaking bank. And GOT has been not-so-subtly reminding us that Jon has a huge supply of dragonglass now. The only loose end is a truce with the Lannisters…
I guess white walkers can’t shoot arrows?
I mean…they really should work on that skill because it would have come in handy when Jon and his crew were trapped on that rock.
Also…if the Night King has an arm that can peg a dragon from that far off I don’t quite get why he wouldn’t be pelting that rock with ice spears and whatever else he could find.
It is possible though that the Night King has Bran-like abilities (there are even theories that he IS Bran although I’m not 100% on board with that). If he has Bran-like abilities, he may have known that by waiting, Dany would come and ultimately bring a dragon right to his icy doorstep.
I mean he IS a pretty resourceful dude. You know he had to take a ton of shit from the other Wights for hording those gigantic, dragon lifting chains for so long. He kept telling his ice-bros they’d come in handy one day and they’d just laugh. His boys definitely have egg on their face now.
As to why they can’t shoot arrows, I feel like their brittle little fingers couldn’t string a bow. As to why the Night King wouldn’t just chuck spears at Jon, well he knows Jon has Longclaw. Longclaw can stop those spears, and it seems like there’s a limited amount of them. Didn’t want to waste them when they were clearly about to be overrun.
While we’re still with the storyline north of the wall, I want to bring up something my dad thought of, so shouts to papa Chiles for this one. What if Jon actually died in that lake, drowning at the bottom of it. Then, at the end of the episode, the walkers pull both Viscerion and Jon out of the water, and the Night King turns BOTH of them.
Now you have white walker Jon Snow riding white walker Viscerion and honestly at that point I think I’m rooting for the dead instead of the living.
ALSO while we’re here we have a little analogy that we want to see if people can figure out. If you get it, you’re probably a huge nerd like us. We will reveal the answer in next week’s article.
Thoros : Wine :: Legolas : arrows
What’s Arya’s problem? And what’s her end game here?
The first thing I want to point out about the scroll that Arya found and Sansa wrote is that it makes no sense for Sansa to be even the slightest bit worried.
She sent that letter under duress to her brother Rob and it was the reason that Rob rode south with all of his northern lords. What I’m saying is that all of these northern houses SHOULD already be well aware of the letter. Revealing it SHOULD do nothing.
But the show has already shown itself this season to be complicit in manufactured drama so here we are. If we must accept that the northern lords would be shocked and horrified that Sansa wrote this letter then let’s follow that premise and look at it from Arya’s side of things.
So what’s she doing?
Well let me throw this at you – what if Arya already killed Littlefinger? In this scenario it was actually Arya speaking with Sansa about Brienne intervening inbetween the sisters, possibly just to see how Sansa would react.
A tiny bit of evidence I have here is that Littlefinger says at one point “Arya would never do anything to hurt you or betray her family”. This would be a little off-brand for the master of chaos, no?
Bold prediction time: Littlefinger is two steps ahead as always, but Arya is on the same page. They are fighting a proxy-war using Sansa as the lone piece. True, Arya isn’t as clever as she thinks she is, but she is certainly more clever than anyone on the show is giving her credit for.
Final Thoughts: Arya gets Sansa to kill Littlefinger with the Catspaw Dagger. BOOM. Sansa already has the knife.