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Week Three Review

brienne-tormund_11

By: Colin Chiles and Andy Foote

Hi I’m Andy. Follow me on Twitter @ThatJewishGuy4. You won’t be disappointed. Maybe.

This week, Andy and I answer some of the looming questions we see in the show right now. If you’d like us to cover anything or have any questions, please let us know!

 

What is Dany’s next move?

Andy:

Well I hate to say “I told you so” but guess who is still sitting on Dragonstone, complaining and noticeably not lighting things on fire, while the rest of her army is getting thoroughly handled? That’s right, Daenerys Stormborn, Queen of Inaction, The Boring, First to Complain and Scream “WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS?” Ok she hasn’t done that in a couple years, but it’s still a great meme.

Her next move, despite what most of twitter seems to think, is not to go North. Her little talk with Jon Snow had the air of the Bill Nye vs Ken Ham debate, with Dany playing the part of the ignorant Ham. She defeats her own argument multiple times. Jon Snow is nice enough to point out her stupid point that if she isn’t responsible for her ancestors, then nether is he. She has brought dragons back from extinction, but she refuses to believe the White Walkers are real? There’s no way she goes north.

Her next move is to sit at Dragonstone. She will leave in 3 episodes. What she does at that time? Who knows. Probably a direct assault on Kings Landing, because she is getting SMOKED at this whole war thing.

Davos, on the other hand, is charming as fuck and I hope he sits on the Iron Throne at some point.

Colin:

Yeah, I’m inclined to agree with you there. One of the shitty things about this being a show that we know is ending next year, is that because you know it’s a 7 episode season, you can sort of predict out when some things might happen.

What makes the most sense is this season is Dany taking the Iron Throne. Next season is Dany and Jon fighting the Night King.

I will say though, if this show has taught us anything, its that when you think you know where it’s going, something insane happens.

 

Is there a mole in Dany’s camp?

Colin:

This is interesting to me because Cersei/Jamie/Euron HAVE known exactly where to be at exactly the right times so far, but when you start to parse out who would be the mole, no believable storylines exist.

Like, who would the mole even be? It wasn’t Yara/Theon/Sand Snakes/Olenna because well…two of those people are dead and the other two are in shitty situations.

It isn’t Tyrion. I’m not even going to elaborate on that.

It can’t be Grey Worm or Foxy Cleopatra.

So the only conceivable person it could be is Varys, and that just doesn’t make sense to me.

What do you think Andy?

Andy:

If there is, the only answer is Varys. His motive? If he is the mole, I think he’s working for Littlefinger, attempting to climb that ladder of chaos he was so fond of in season 2.

But no, there is no mole. Dany is getting her ass beat, plain and simple. She thought it was going to be like conquering Astapor and Mereen. Surprise! The Kardashians Lannisters are too good at banging their relatives this whole war thing. They have real tactics, and generals. Dany has… Tyrion. Smart as hell, but don’t kid yourself, he has no idea what he’s doing in war.

 

Are Brieanne and Tormond going to get together?

Colin:

I think I’m just going to let you handle this one, Andy.

::Andy steps up to the mic::

Andy:

FINALLY!! THIS IS WHAT THE PEOPLE WANT TO HEAR ABOUT!!

Yes. They will. And it will be glorious. Think 50 shades of grey, but more like 50 Shades of Tormund. After one glorious night when Brienne finally gives in to her feelings for Tormund, the Wall comes down. Winterfell is razed, with a few survivors heading south to warn everyone of what’s coming. Brienne and Tormund are the last two alive. Bran Stark lies dead at their feet because he sucks and should have been written off years ago, Sansa managed to get away, Littlefinger is nowhere to be seen, Jon is making love to Dany (they’re Targaryens, it’s chill). As they hack and slash wave after wave of undead, they start to tire out. Suddenly all the Walkers stop, and retreat. The Night King himself comes forward to fight these two gladiators. They embrace one more time, kissing deeply and giving fans everywhere closures/lady boners, and the last we see is them charging at the Night King. It’s like the Notebook, but better because Brienne and Tormund are amazing.

 

What is Cersei’s next move?

Andy:

Get the finger-in-the-bum from Euron, duh. She doesn’t pass up a good time.

Realistically, with the Iron Bank paid off, put a puppet lord in the Freys old house and recruit more soldiers. Build more ballistae. Bang Jamie. Tortue her prisoners. And if she’s feeling frisky, maybe attac Casterly Rock from the east, leaving the Unsullied nowhere to run, and quickly disposing of 1/3 of Dany’s army.

Colin:

This is a good question because I’m really not sure. The show might just kind of avoid her storyline for a little bit.

She’s made pretty smart moves so far, which is very un-Cersei like, so I’m kind of waiting for her to get herself into some really dumb situation. She’s going to continue to look for advantages.

Like any good money manager, after paing off the Iron Banke with the Tyrell’s money, Cersei might borrow a shit ton more money to build weapons and maybe try to buy some sell swords.

 

How will Cersei eventually be taken down?

Colin:

Andy, like we’ve done so many times before we were writers, I say we tag team this one.

There is only one way for Cersei to go down in my mind, and only one way this season could end. Let me set the scene for you…

Dany has besieged Kings Landing, after finally showing her power by flaming the fuck out of the Lannister army outside the city gates. As she approaches the city, one of those dumb “giant crossbows” actually manages to take down Viserion, and for a second Cersei thinks she has a chance. This only enrages Dany as she lays waste to the outer walls and is heading straight for the Red Keep.

With Jamie by her side, Cersei realizes all is lost and smiles as she begins to tell Qyburn to go with the backup plan, which is to use the remaining wildfire she has on hand and take the entire city down with her. If she’s going down, she’s taking the whole fucking city down with her.

Jamie, realizing that everything in history repeats itself, only has one option. Kill Cersei and Qyburn to save the city AGAIN. But this time, he kills himself too, because he’s lost everything, and because he can’t live with the reputation of being both a Kingslayer and a Queenslayer.

This time though, he is remembered and recognized for saving the city…I hope?

This also fulfills the “volunqar” prophecy that a little brother would take her down. They might be twins, but Jamie was born second.

Andy:

I love your idea of the Kingslayer becoming the Queenslayer. There are definitely parallels to be drawn to the Mad King and Cersei. But she isn’t insane, she’s just a bitch. She is acutely aware of her surroundings, with her hatred of Tyrion being her blind spot. If we see the similarities to the Mad King, she does too, and is probably drawing inspiration from him. Blowing shit up with wildfire? That was the Mad King’s pick-and-roll.

I think it is far more likely that Cersei kills Jamie. Jamie could easily overpower her, but he loves her for some unknown reason. When he decides to kill her, she is two steps ahead. She’s either already kissed him with poison lipstick, or even better, Jamie hesitstes. Cersei doesn’t. She stabs him, severing her last tie to humanity. She then unleashed the Juggernaut The Mountain to rain doom on her enemies. She is eventually taken down by her own hubris, which she incidentally shares with Tyrion; they think they are much more clever than they actually are. Tywin called her ass out on it, and so am I. She attempts a stealth strike on Dragonstone, which fails spectacularly, and Dany takes the city with ease in a counterattack.

 

 

 

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